


Hasn't Anyone Ever Told You Not to Fall For Patients

by Miss_Nightmare



Category: All Time Low, Asking Alexandria, Blessthefall, Bring Me The Horizon, Of Mice & Men, Of Mice and Men, Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: Belliott, Kelliver, Koli, M/M, hospital!AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-15 15:24:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7227892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Nightmare/pseuds/Miss_Nightmare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kellin is a doctor and Oli is sick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hasn't Anyone Ever Told You Not to Fall For Patients

**Author's Note:**

> I had started this story a long time ago and decided to pick it back up and finish it. First Kellin Quinn / Oli Sykes fic I've posted in a while! Enjoy~

Kellin is late for his shift again. He curses under his breath as he speed walks through the hospital's sliding glass doors and, to his complete dismay, runs straight into Dr. Stoff.

He sighs heavily before scolding, “This is the third time this week.”

He runs a shaky hand through his hair and nods. He's had too little sleep and too much caffeine, a bad combination – especially before running into the boss.

"I know, I know. It won't happen again, Sir-"

"That's what you told me last time - and the time before that," he points out, putting a hand on his thin hip.

He knows that he has every reason to be mad at him, he really does. He's trying his best to get to work on time, but it's getting hard because he's not sleeping well, he's stressed out and, fuck, he just needs a break.

"I promise I won't show up late again. Please, Dr. Stoff," he pleads. He doesn't want this to go on record - it can't. If he ever hopes to stay on the staff of the hospital, he has to impress him. But as of now, things aren't looking too well.

"Last chance," he says, giving him a stern look. "But I'm putting it in your record next time. Keep to your word, Quinn."

"Yes, Sir."

Dr. Stoff walks away quickly, in that weird way that he always does - it's almost like he has a bit of a limp. After he disappears around the corner, Kellin breathes a heavy sigh of relief before hurrying over to the front desk and grabbing his clipboard.

"So, what'd you do this time?" Elliott asks, looking up from the computer monitor in front of him and leaning back in his chair.

"Late again," he answers absentmindedly as he scans through his first patient's chart - just to remind himself of her case. He then looks up and smiles weakly. "I'm off to check up on Mrs. Bonam, I'll talk to you in a bit, okay?"

"Okay. Have fun!"

"Yea, sure."

***

Mrs. Bonam is a fifty-eight year old married woman that has recently had a stroke. Kellin is beginning to think that she fancies him somewhat – due to the fact she is always smiling around him and laughs way too hard at his jokes. (And he's also pretty sure she's staring at him constantly, even when his back is turned.) He has even convinced himself that she stares at his ass while he leans over the counter to write his notes, but decides there's nothing he can do but ignore it.

After finishing up with her he asks Elliott, "Do you happen to know anything about my next patient?" He leans his elbows on the counter and grabs the next chart.

"Nothing more than what's on there. Brianna checked him in, not me."

"Okay, let's hope he's in a good mood."

***

He opens the door to the room and gives the patient a smile. The person sitting on the table is definitely not what he had expected to see. Covered in tattoos, thin as a twig, and hair as long as his own – this isn't your typical twenty-three year old guy – he's hot as hell.

The man, whose name is Oliver Sykes, looks up from staring at the floor and smiles, a small grin that instantly makes Kellin's heart melt.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Quinn. What seems to be bothering you today?" he asks, uttering the words for what seems like the billionth time in his life.

"I've been feeling like shit for the past week," he replies, weakly. His eyes are sunken in and his skin is extremely pale, which Kellin would have noticed at first if he hadn't been so focused on how attractive he was.

"And why do you say that?"

"Been super tired - to the point where it's getting hard for me to play on-stage," he replies. Kellin sits down on the stool across from him and nods. 

"Anything else?"

"Nah, just really fuckin' tired. And I usually have a headache, but I assume it's from drinking all of the damn time."

He makes a note of this before continuing;

"How often do you drink, Mr. Sykes?" he asks.

"Um, a lot,” he laughs.

"How much is 'a lot'?"

"Every day. I would be drinking right now, but I made an appointment with you, so..."

"What kind of alcohol do you drink?"

"Depends on what's around. Most of the time it's some cheap whiskey that my mates buy."

"Why don't you try cutting down on it? Your symptoms could definitely be caused by drinking that much. How many drinks would you say that you have a day?"

He scoffs.

"Shit, probably more than ten. But I lose count after four, so I don't really know."

He stares at him.

"That's not good for you at all," he says. "I want you to cut back on that - try making it to where you only drink every other day. Or maybe even try cutting it out completely for a while-"

"I'm a rockstar, mate, I'm not cutting booze out completely," he replies. At least he's honest...

"Okay, well, you're going to have to do something if you hope to feel any better. Wait, did you say rockstar?"

"Yeah. I'm the frontman of a band. It's pretty popular, actually."

"What's the name of it? Maybe I've heard of it!" he says with a grin.

"Um, I highly doubt you've heard of it..."

"And why do you say that?" he asks, crossing his arms over his chest. "I listen to a lot of music."

"Bring Me the Horizon," Oli says with a smirk.

"Okay, fine. I don't know it," he admits, laughing a bit. "But what I do know is you need to cut back on the alcohol. Give it a week and then let me know how you feel . These are typical symptoms for those who over-do it like you are."

"You really think it's just because of that?"

"Personally, yes. Combine cutting it out with some sleep and it will do you a lot of good, Mr. Sykes."

"Call me Oli, okay? Mr. Sykes sounds way too professional."

"Okay, Oli. You can call me Kellin, since you're wanting to cut the formalities."

"Kellin? That's a pretty name," he smirks, jumping down from the table. He can't help the blush that stains his cheeks after Oli says it – looking down at his chart in the hopes of concealing his embarrassment. "Well then, Kellin, I'll take your advice and cut back on my partying."

"Good. I'm sure you will start feeling a lot better, but I want you to come back in next week for a checkup."

"I have no problem with that," he says before walking out of the room.

Kellin is left feeling like a schoolgirl with a serious crush.

***

"Was he in a good mood?" Elliott asks as soon as Kellin walks back up to the counter. He can't help the huge smile that's plastered on his face as he looks to him to answer.

"He was in an amazingly good mood - best patient I've had."

"That's jumping the gun a bit, isn't it?" Beau, his friend and fellow doctor, asks. He hadn't noticed that he was standing right across from him. "I mean, how long where you even in there? Ten minutes at most? You can't just give him the best patient award until you've seen him at least three times."

"Nah, I can tell. He's got a great personality," he says, smiling to himself. He loves how tall he is. He can see himself having to stand on his tip-toes just to kiss him...

"Do you have a crush on your patient?" Beau laughs, looking at Kellin in disbelief. 

"What? No!" he shouts, defensively. "He's just a really nice guy! Come on, Beau. You of all people know how most of my patients are perverted fifty year old women! It should be no surprise that I'm taking a particular liking to this one."

"What does he look like?" Elliott chimes in.

Kellin rolls his eyes.

"Like any other twenty-three year old guy, okay?"

Except for the tallness, tattoos, sexy as fuck hairstyle, smile, beautiful eyes-

"Uh huh..." Beau says before grabbing the clipboard from within Kellin's hands.

"Hey!" he says, making a feeble attempt to get it back from him.

"You wrote down that he's the frontman of "Bring Me The Horizon"... There's no way he looks like the average twenty-three year old. You're a bad liar, Kellin," he says, shoving the clipboard back into his hands.

"Okay, fine. He has some tattoos."

"Where? What do they look like? Do you want to touch them?" he pries. He gives him disbelieving look.

"That's inappropriate!" he shouts, his voice high-pitched, causing Elliott to cringe and several other doctors to stare. Here comes that blush again...

"I'll take that as a yes," he smirks before spinning around and walking away, his white coat spinning along with him.

"There's nothing wrong with having a crush on a patient," Elliott says under his breath.

"I do not have a crush on him."

"Okay, okay. But I'm just saying, if you ever do have a crush on a patient-"

"I get it - it's okay."

***

At lunch, Kellin's mind is on only one thing - Oli Sykes. He can't figure out why he is so attracted to him, he just is. Maybe it's the way he smells like cigarette smoke. Or maybe it's the dark brown eyes he has, or the triple dots tattoo underneath his right eye. He tries to give sufficient input to conversation that the rest of his friends are having, but miserably fails. Beau seems to be too interested in Elliott to notice that he's not saying things that are related to the table's conversation.

Vic, however, does notice that he's not all there.

"Kellin, are you okay?" he asks, after he says something about the weather when Vic asks him about how his day is going.

"Yes, why?"

"Because you're not even paying attention to what we're talking about."

"Yes, I am! Just ask Beau," he says, which he really shouldn't have, because Vic was already more than prepared for that comeback.

"Beau is too focused on groping Elliott's dick underneath the table to realize that you're sitting here," he replies, laughing. Beau, in turn, moves his arm too quickly and accidentally hits the underside of the table, which causes their dishes to clatter and Elliott to turn a dark shade of crimson.

"You did not have to point that out," Beau says, shooting Vic a death glare. "We were having a good time."

"Yeah, too bad. It's not fair that Elliott gets more action than I do – when I actually am trying to get some and he never even wants it. Anyways, as I was saying - what's wrong Kellin? Or, maybe, what's on your mind?"

"Oh, I know what's on his mind!" Beau exclaims. Kellin rubs his forehead with his thumb and index finger.

"Tell me!" Vic practically yells. Kellin is surprised that the whole cafeteria isn't staring at their table at this point due to their inability to be quiet.

"A patient that he had earlier today. What was his name, Elliott? I forgot already," Beau says, looking over at his blond friend, who is still obviously embarrassed.

"Sykes. Oliver Sykes. And he was the frontman of a band-"

"Frontman of a band?" Vic echoes, returning his gaze to Kellin. "Ooh! He sounds hot already. Is he punk rock?"

"What the hell does that even mean?" he snaps, using obscene hand gestures while he talks. "He is not on my mind right now. I was just zoned out because I'm tired."

"You're always tired," he points out, taking a bite of his cheese sandwich after he says it. "And you never act like this. You've got a dreamy look in your eyes, Kels. And there's only one other time I've seen you with that look."

"When?" Kellin asks, halfway because he feels like he has to, and halfway because he is actually interested.

"When you told me all about your first kiss."

He swore he would never bring that up.

"Shut up," he snaps, pushing the leftover green beans on his plate around with his fork.

"You never told us about that!" Beau exclaims. "Please go on!"

"Please don't," Kellin says, giving Vic a stern look. "Look, I just zoned out - can't we leave it at that?"

"Hm. I'll let it slide for now, but only because I have a patient I have to go see," he says, standing up. "Ms. Fran does not like to be kept waiting."

"Oh, Ms. Fran. She's something," Beau laughs. "Tell her I send my best."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll tell her. Talk to you guys later," he says sarcastically, prancing away.

***

The next day is Elliott's twenty-second birthday. Beau has already planned a huge surprise party, complete with hundreds of balloons, two cakes, and tons of presents. Kellin isn't so sure that Elliott is going to appreciate all of the attention that's planned for him after he gets off work tonight, but goes along with it anyways.

He's on his way to the room of his last patient of the day (Mr. Ashby, he's extremely nice and always has some funny cat picture to show him – which he appreciates greatly – especially on the days that are sucking) when he runs into Alex.

"Oh, sorry, man. I'm on my way to Elliott's surprise party. You're coming, right?" Alex asks.

He nods enthusiastically.

"Right after I check up on Ashby. He's got pneumonia, but he's getting better. Just gonna make sure everything's alright before I head over there."

"Okay. You better be quick, though. Beau will kill anyone who doesn't show up on time and, heaven forbid, causes something to not go as planned," he says.

"Yea, I know how he is, I'll be quick," he replies, pushing the door open to Mr. Ashby's room.

"Hi, Dr. Quinn," Ashby says, taking a sharp intake of breath afterwards.

"How are we feeling today?" he asks, walking to his bedside.

"Good. Aside from all the coughing I did earlier," he laughs. Kellin's smile instantly turns to a frown.

"Alan..." he says, putting a hand on his pale arm, which is a bit warm.

"I'm good, though. Definitely better than yesterday."

"You sure? Don't say it unless you really mean it," he says, looking into his eyes for any sign of a lie.

"I'm sure."

"Okay. I'll check up on you tomorrow. Have a good night," Kellin says, smiling.

"You too."

***

"God dammit, Beau!" is the first thing that Elliott shouts when the lights are turned on in his living room and he sees everyone standing around. He knows that it was all Beau's idea (who else would hold a surprise party against his wishes? Not Kellin - that's for sure).

"Happy birthday!" everyone shouts in unison after he curses.

"Sorry about this," Kellin whispers to him later on during the party, while everyone is conversing and he is standing in a corner, alone, looking down at his phone.

"Yeah, me too," he replies, pocketing the phone and giving his full attention to Kellin. "It'll be over soon, though, right?"

"Well..." he says, trailing off a bit because he knows that it is going to be a while before all of the festivities that Beau has planned are over.

"You're kidding me. What else does that idiot have planned?" he snaps, glaring over at Beau, whom is currently balancing a cup on his head and walking on his tip-toes in front of a group of people.

"Presents, cake eating, and then we're going out to a bar."

"Oh God," he replies, leaning his head back against the wall.

Kellin feels really sorry for him, because he knows what social anxiety feels like. He used to be like that when he was younger, but has since grown out of it. He's never forgotten the feeling, though.

"Listen, I'll stick around with you for a while if you want," he says, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. He shakes his head.

"No, I kind of just want to be alone right now, thanks though. I know you're trying to help."

That's all he ever tries to do.

***

They're at the bar when Kellin gets a call. He looks down at his phone to see that it's Dr. Stoff calling, and immediately runs outside in order to answer. The last thing he wants is for him to know he's out drinking.

"Hello?" he answers, holding his breath. It's never good news when your boss calls you in the middle of the night.

"I've just come out of the ICU. Ashby is dead, Quinn."

"What?" he says, his heart rate increasing with every second that passes. His arms and legs are starting to feel weaker too...

"You should have caught the signs! Who in the hell doesn't realize that there's a problem when the patient's blood pressure is eighty over fifty? Did you even fucking check? Did you even realize that his breathing was abnormal?"

"What caused him to die? I don't understand, he was getting better-"

"Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome, Quinn. For God's sake, we just had a patient that had that right after her battle with pneumonia, you should have been on the lookout for the signs!" he screams, causing tears to brim at the edges of Kellin's eyes. "What the hell is wrong with you? This is on you, not me, Quinn. His death goes on your record. You have to talk to his parents and tell them that you screwed up-"

"I did not screw up!" he screams. "He said he felt fine-"

"Did you just go with that? Were you in a hurry to get out of the hospital? He was your last patient, so I'm sure you weren't interested in staying in his room for long."

He knows that he didn't check. He remembers that all he did was ask Alan how he felt, but didn't actually look at his vitals. He knows he's screwed up, but can't bring himself to admit it to Dr. Stoff.

Hell, he can't even admit it to himself.

"I just watched him take his last breath. How do you think he felt? How do you think he would feel if he knew that it was your fault for not catching the signs?"

"Shut up!" he yells, ending the call and almost throwing the phone across the street, but stopping himself. He stands outside in the cold air for what seems like hours, crying.

He goes home before anyone can ask what's wrong.

***

"There's something wrong with you," Vic states as he stands outside the hospital with Kellin during their break. Kellin is smoking a cigarette, a habit which he had kicked long ago, but decides to pick back up this morning.

"Yeah, there is," he says, before taking a long drag and staring at the café that was across the street. He keeps his eyes on the skinny red-headed boy that sits outside and is enjoying a cup of coffee with his girlfriend, or what appears to be his girlfriend.

"Kellin?"

He turns to look at him and looks into his dark eyes for a long time before saying anything.

"I'm surprised you haven't heard yet," is all he manages to say before turning back to look at the red-head. He's leaning forward and kissing the girl across the table.

"Heard about what? I've only just got in to work practically. It's only eight."

"Ashby."

"What about him? Isn't that the pneumonia patient with the red hair?"

"He's dead."

The red-head across the street gets up and holds hands with the girl.

"He - oh. I'm so sorry-"

"And it's my fault."

"How can it be your fault? What happened-"

"It doesn't matter. The fact is, he's dead and it's my fault. It's my fault he's not kissing his girlfriend right now!" He screams, letting the cigarette fall to the ground and starting to cry.

"It's okay, let it out," Vic says, putting his arm around his back and holding him. "It's not your fault. This is going to happen, okay? Things like this happen. You've got to pick yourself up and move on-"

"Dr. Stoff will probably fire me before I can even think of moving on," he sobs, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his coat.

"Dr. Stoff may be a hard-ass, but he's not heartless. He's been in the business for years - you think he hasn't made mistakes and lost patients? Hell, I could name two from off the top of my head that I know he lost - and he blamed himself for years because of them. But you know what? He moved on - he had to. He learned from his mistakes - and that's exactly what you need to do. It's the hardest thing that a doctor has to learn."

"He explicitly told me it was my fault-"

"He's trying to make you learn! He's not going to fire you - he's trying to teach you. He wants you to remember it, and not make the same mistake, whatever it was, on another patient. Come on, Kellin, pick yourself up. I'm here to help you."

"I don't know if I can," he says, looking up with wet eyes.

"You can and you're going to - because I'm going to make you," he says, pushing him up into a standing position. "Now let's go inside - we've got a long day ahead of us."

***

Vic does end up making Kellin move on. The next couple of days are hard for him, but Vic does everything in his power to distract him from thinking about it. He runs back after he's done with his own patients and instantly goes to find him. He talks about everything and anything, other than work. It's successful, and on the fifth day after it happens, he actually smiles at Vic when he makes fun of Beau and Elliott.

"It's true though, isn't it? I personally think that they need to get a room. I mean, kissing in public is one thing, but fucking someone else's mouth with your tongue? That's a whole other ballpark," Vic says to him, looking over at the two love birds, whom were making out right outside of the hospital where they thought that no one could see them.

Kellin actually has to brace himself on the counter because he laughs so hard.

"That's an especially disgusting way of putting it."

"It's a disgustingly accurate way of putting it," he says, scrunching up his face when he looks back at them.

"Hello hello!" Alex exclaims, putting a hand on both Kellin and Vic's shoulders. "Guess who just found a fifty dollar bill on the bathroom floor?"

"I have no idea who it could possibly be," Vic says, sarcastically.

"Me! Just look at Ulysses' face. He's so happy to see me," he says, pulling it out of his coat pocket and shoving it into Vic's face. Vic, in turn, grabs it and makes a run for it down the hospital hallway.

"Catch me if you can!" he exclaims, disappearing around a corner. Alex turns to Kellin and smiles.

"God, he's hot," he says before taking off after him.

"Don't fall!" Kellin shouts, hoping that neither of them gets hurt.

***

"Oli is in Room 345," Elliott says to Kellin on Tuesday, exactly a week after Kellin has first seen him. It's the best thing that he's heard all week, and he almost forgets to grab the chart before darting for the room. He composes himself and runs a hand through his messy hair before opening the door and walking in.

"Hey," Oli says with a smile once he enters the room.

"How're you feeling? Did you take my advice?" he asks, closing the door behind him. He tries his best not to look too flustered.

"I did take your advice, actually. I feel better in some ways, but still extremely exhausted. I've never been this tired in my life."

He looks down at his chart and notices that he's lost three pounds since he came in the last time - and it shows in his face.

"Are you eating like normal?"

"Erm, not exactly, I guess. Just haven't been feeling hungry."

"I want to take a blood test."

"What do you think is wrong?"

"I don't know. But my first impression is to say that you're anemic. Have you been having headaches? Feeling dizzy at all? Any shortness of breath?"

"All of the above," he replies immediately. "Are those all signs of being anemic?"

"Yeah. But I can't say for certain until I get the results of the test. If you are, it's super easy to fix, so don't worry."

"Good. I hope it is, because it's getting old feeling like this."

"So, I want you to head down to Room 405, and have some blood drawn. We'll have the results within 24 hours and then we'll see where we need to go from there."

Oli gets up off of the examination table, and Kellin stands up with him.

"So, are we done here?" he asks.

"Yeah. The room is right down the hallway and on the left-"

"Are you busy tonight?" he interrupts.

"Um, no, but I get off of work at like, eleven, so-"

"That's fine. How does dinner sound?"

"What restaurant is still open after eleven?" he laughs, nervously fiddling with the stethoscope around his neck. He has a habit of doing it when he was anxious.

"McDonald’s is," he says, a matter-of-factly.

"As a doctor, I should not be agreeing to have a date at McDonald’s with you," he says, seriously. "But as myself, I am going to jump at the chance and say yes. I have a weakness for cute guys and french fries, so..."

"Did you mean for that to rhyme?"

He blushes.

"No. I know it sounded stupid-"

"It was the cutest thing I've ever heard. I'll see you tonight," he says, opening the door and walking down the hallway towards the room to get his blood drawn.

Kellin tries his best to not scream out due to happiness.

***

At exactly eleven o'clock that night, Oli shows up at the front desk wearing a suit and tie. Kellin blushes for what seems like the tenth time this week and walks up towards him.

"You're - you're all dressed up," he says, looking him up and down. He smiles and nods once.

"Yea. Why wouldn't I be? I'm going on a date with the cutest boy I've ever seen," he replies, holding out his hand. "Ready?"

"I'm a bit underdressed-" he starts, but Oli takes his hand and drags him out of the hospital and into the cool air right outside the sliding doors.

"I guess we will ride in my car and then I'll drop you back off here so you can get yours-"

"I don't have a car," Kellin says, severely embarrassed.

"You - you what? You're a doctor for God's sake! You've got to have a car!"

"I'm a doctor with a shit ton of student loans. I did have a car but it was stolen and... Yeah. I don't have the money to replace it right now. I just use the bus, I don't live very far."

"You'll have one sooner than you think," Oli says, opening the passenger side door of his car for Kellin.

***

To say that the two of them received a few stares while they ate their dinner at McDonald’s would be an understatement. Kellin supposes that it's to be expected, though, because it's not everyday you see a doctor and a tattooed guy in a suit eating together at a fast food restaurant.

They both ordered the same thing (large fries and a coke) and sit down at a table that was right beside a window. Kellin thought it was a good idea at first because they could look out at the stars, but he soon regrets it because it's a lot colder right beside the windows.

"Do you feel okay?" Kellin asks as he dips two fries in ketchup.

"I'm fine," he smiles, taking a sip of Coke. "I do have a favor to ask, though."

"What?"

"You stop acting like my doctor while we're out of the hospital. You don't have to keep an eye on my every movement, you know."

"Sorry, it's out of habit. It's in my nature."

"Well, try your best. I'd like to try to forget about the way I'm feeling for a while."

"I will, I promise. So, tell me more about your band! What kind of music is it?"

Oli starts telling him all the details about his band, but halfway through one of his sentences, Kellin interrupts him.

"Your nose is bleeding!" he exclaims, handing him a clean napkin.

"Ugh, not again," he says as he puts the napkin underneath his nose and leans his head back. "I feel like I'm having these twenty-four seven."

"Another sign of anemia."

"Thank you, Doctor."

"I'm sorry," he says quickly. "I'll keep my mouth shut now."

"I'll be right back. I'm going to clean up in the restroom. Don't eat my fries," he tells him, pushing himself up and walking towards the bathrooms. Kellin watches his every step, and notices that he is quite wobbly. He tries to keep his mind out of 'diagnose-mode', but he can't help it. He's happy that all signs keep pointing to his initial guess, because if it was it was easy to fix and Oli would be a lot better in no time.

They finish up their dinner without another word about Oli's well-being and walk outside. Oli turns towards Kellin and looks at him for a while, not saying anything.

"What?" Kellin laughs, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I dunno. I'm just trying to figure out the smoothest way of kissing you. I thought about pushing you up against the wall over there and doing it, but I didn't know how you'd react - you know, being a doctor and all. I thought you might freak out because of the germs or something. And then I started think about pulling you towards me, wait, am I talking too much?"

He nods slowly.

"Okay, well, since you didn't say no to any of my ideas I'm just gonna go for my favorite," he says, pushing his back against the cold stone wall of the building and pressing his lips against his. His hands make their way onto Kellin's hips and he pushes him harder and it makes his head spin because it feels so good. Every flick of Oli's tongue, every lip bite, and every breath was getting Kellin higher and higher on the ecstasy of the whole situation. Oli starts to nibble on his bottom lip, when he abruptly stops and steadies himself on the wall behind him.

"You're breathing hard. Oli, are you okay? What's wrong?" he asks, looking into his deep brown eyes.

"Just feeling a bit dizzy, give me a second. You're the reason I'm breathing hard though, if that wasn't already obvious."

"Right."

He stands there for eleven seconds (Kellin counts) before he kisses him on the lips once more and then decides that he's ready to go home.

***

"Are the test results for Oliver Sykes' CBC in yet?" Kellin asks Brianna, one of the nurses at the back desk.

"Oliver Sykes? Let me check..." she says, looking up the record on her computer. "Ah, yes. They came in just two hours ago. I'll forward them to your email."

"Thanks."

Kellin goes to his office and sits down, fully expecting to see the results that indicated anemia.

That is not what was on the screen in front of him.

He looks away from the screen and then back again, re-reading the results over and over. He even double checks to make sure the results actually were Oli's, and not a mistake.

There is no mistake.

He instantly starts Googling different things, making sure that he was right and that he wasn't overreacting.

The more he looks, the more he wanted to huddle up into a ball and cry.

At least he caught it this time.

***

Oli comes into the hospital alone for the first couple of tests, all of which confirm Kellin's new diagnosis of Acute Lmphyoblastic Leukemia. It's far along, and within twenty-four hours of bringing Oli back in, they've started the preparation treatments for chemotherapy. His mother is sitting outside the room, crying, while two nurses prepare him. Kellin is standing in the room too, even though he doesn't need to be there. Oli looks at him and smiles.

"Is it going to hurt?" he asks, even though he already knows the answer.

"Yes," Kellin answers, doing his best to hold back the tears. He's seen so many go through what he's about to go through and he knows damn well it's one of the most painful treatments there is.

And in his case, it might not even help.

***

"I brought you something," Kellin says, as he walks into the room where Oli was staying. The curtains are open on the sole window in the room, allowing in the pretty sunlight that reflected off of the fresh snow that lay on the ground. Kellin is holding a vase filled with red chrysanthemums, and puts it on the bedside table.

"You brought me flowers?" Oli asks, his voice weak. He forces a smile upon his face and nods.

"Yup. I picked red because they were the prettiest."

What he doesn't tell him is why he chose the specific flower, but he doesn't want to get into that...

"They're beautiful. Thank you, Kellin."

"How are you feeling?"

"Terrible. And I thought my hangover after my twenty-first birthday was bad," he laughs, coughing afterwards. Kellin pulls up a chair and sits down beside him. "Aren't you supposed to be working right now?"

"Don't worry about me. Dr. Stoff is mad no matter what I do - he can chill for a minute," he laughs.

He stays in the room until Oli falls into a painful sleep.

***

It's weird, really. Kellin is surprised that Oli doesn't kick him out of him room because he's always in there. If he's on break, he's in there. If he's off of work, he's in there. Ten hours a day he makes sure he's right by his side.

He's not quite sure why he does it.

But still, it's not doing any harm, so he doesn't see a point in stopping. That is, unless, one day Oli finally tells him to 'get the fuck out', because that's what Kellin thinks is coming. There aren't any signs of Oli getting annoyed, though, because every time he sees him come into the room, he perks up and sits up on his hospital bed even though it's painful and his eyes brighten up from their dull, lifeless state.

It's on a Tuesday in January when Kellin walks into the room and is shocked to not see anyone in the bed.  
"Oli?" he calls out, looking everywhere in the room. His heart starts beating fast because he's scared that it's happened. He's scared that Oli is in the ICU and no one paged him. Just as he's about the open the bathroom door, it swings open and reveals Oli, wearing, what looks like, the same exact suit that he had worn on their first date.

"What are you wearing? Why are you wearing it- wait, no, why are you even up? Get back in bed," he says, reaching out and helping guide Oli back to his bed, which he was already heading for.

"I wanted to go on another date with you," he says as he lays back down on the bed. Kellin moves his IV bag from the portable hanger back to the one on the side of the bed.

"Oh my God, Oli. You don't have to dress up for me."

"I look terrible."

"You don't look terrible," Kellin starts, but Oli is having none of his lies.

"Yes, I do. My hair is falling out and my skin is whiter than I've ever seen it. I don't even look like me anymore," he says, sadly. Kellin shakes his head.

"You're just as beautiful as you were the first day I met you," he says, and it isn't a lie.

Their date consists of them having hospital food in the room together, and it turns out to be the best date that he's ever had.

***

Oli gets to go home for the first time in three days on the fifth of January. Kellin doesn't hear about it until he's already left, because he's with a patient when it actually happens.

"I'm sorry you didn't find out until now," Vic says. He's really sincere when he says it, too. It's no longer a joke when they all talk about Kellin having a crush on Oli.

"It's okay," he replies, sighing. "He needs a break from me anyways. He'll be back for another treatment on Monday, so I'll see him then."

Vic gives him a big smile and throws an arm around his shoulders.

"How about we go grab some lunch together? Just me, you, and Taco Bell burritos."

He tries to talk himself out of it, but there's something about Vic that tells him that it'll make him feel better, so he goes.

During their lunch conversation over greasy burritos, Vic tells him that he and some of the other doctors are going out for drinks the next night and he invites him. Kellin is hesitant at first, but decides that it would probably do him some good getting some alcohol in his system and he agrees.

***

In between his first two patients the next day, Elliott runs up to him in the middle of the hallway, out of breath and flushed red.

"Elliott? Are you okay? What's wrong? What is it?" Kellin asks, putting a hand on his back. Elliott holds up one finger as he catches his breath and stands up straight.

"I forgot to give this to you yesterday. Oli said to give it to you," he says, handing him a piece of folded up paper.

"Thanks," he replies, taking it, still folded, and placing it in his coat pocket. Elliott stares at him stunned for a moment, because he thought he was going to instantly read it, but he doesn't say anything. Instead, he runs off from the direction he came from, leaving him alone in the hallway.

After Kellin sees his second patient, he goes to his office in order to read the note in peace. 

The paper is that weird lined yellow type that he used to always see when he was a kid, the kind with the blue lines instead of black, and it's frayed at the edges like Oli has held it a lot. The handwriting is small and in cursive, but he can still make out what it says.

_  
Kellin,  
I’m going home today, thank god, and i want  
you to know that I’ll be thinking of you.  
i don't have your phone number, so  
I’m going to give you mine. text me whenever  
you can / want. i won't be busy (unless I’m sleeping  
\- in that case I’ll be busy)  
xoxo  
Oli  
P.S. i took the flowers with me (what were they called?  
i can't remember if you told me. all i remember is that  
you said something about them being red)  
(555-549-3845)_

There's more than one tear stain left on the paper after he's done reading it.

***

He is busy texting Oli all day after he gets his number. He's not sure how he still manages to still focus on work at the same time, but he does, and he gets off at his usual time at eleven and is walking straight for the door when he runs into none other than Dr. Stoff.

He internally screams.

"Hi," he says, forcing himself to be polite, even though he really, really hates him.

"Hello, Kellin. How is Sykes doing? I heard he went home yesterday."

For some reason, Kellin doesn't like hearing Dr. Stoff even saying Oli's name.

"He's doing fine. He's responding well to the first treatment, so, that's a good sign," he says, hurriedly.

"Good, good. Have a good night."

"You too."

That last sentence is so forced that it hurts to say it.

***

The bar that Vic has picked out is full. Kellin doesn't mind all of the people, in fact, he likes it. The more distraction, the better. He's on his third shot of tequila when Vic plants a big smooch on his forehead.

"What was that for?" he asks, his mouth messing up the words a bit, but the meaning getting to Vic.

"Because I love ya," he replies, sitting back down in the seat next to him. Kellin downs his shot and smiles back to him.

"Come on Beau, just one drink," Elliott pleads. Beau shakes his head.

"Sober for life," he says, taking another long sip of his virgin daiquiri.

"Beau is such a party-pooper," Alex slurs, slinging an arm around Vic's shoulders. "I like the outfit, by the way. Makes you look even more scrumptious."

"Alex!" Vic exclaims, blushing.

"Are you two dating yet?" Kellin asks, spinning in his chair a bit. It's hard for him to concentrate on much, his mind seems to just keep going back to Oli. He needs another drink.

"Dating? We've been fucking for weeks!" Alex shouts, causing Vic to roll his eyes.

"Yes, we're dating," he groans, embarrassed by his behavior.

"We're dating too!" Elliott shouts, leaning over to plant a kiss on Beau's lips. It's odd seeing him act so close to Beau; when usually it seems like all he wants to do is get away from him. 

"We've known that for years," Vic laughs, before slapping a hand down onto the bar. "Another drink for everyone!Except Beau, because he's a downer!"

"I'll drink to that!" Alex cheers, downing the rest of the drink in his shot-glass.

Kellin loses track of how many drinks he's had, and he's not sure whose phone is making all of the racket until Vic points out that it's his own.

"Oh, I knew that," he says stupidly, taking it out of his pocket and answering it without looking at whom it was.  
"Hello?"

"Oli is in the ICU right now; I would come in if I were you."

That's all Dr. Stoff is able to say before he drops the phone onto the floor and the screen cracks, but he doesn't notice. He stands up and instantly starts walking towards the door, but trips over himself due to his foggy mind.

"Whoa, Kellin, what is it? Who called?" Vic asks, helping him up. He clinches his jaw and fights the tears.

"Oli is in the ICU. It was Stoff telling me to come in-"

"What? Are you insane? You can't go in there!" Vic yells, grasping Kellin's arm and pulling him away from the direction of the exit. "You're shit-faced!"

"Oli's dying!" he yells, tears falling freely now.

"You don't know that! All you know is that he's in the ICU, you're making assumptions!" Vic yells back, keeping a firm grasp on him. "Chemo is a rough treatment, you know that! He's probably just feeling like shit because of that! But either way, no matter what is happening, you can not set foot into that hospital!"

"Just try and stop me-"

"The moment you walk past though sliding doors you become Doctor Quinn! You are liable for every action you make in that hospital, Kellin, you know that! I can not, and will not, let you go in there intoxicated!"

"I have to see Oli! I have to know what's going on," he sobs, falling to his knees and hiding his face in his hands.

"I'll go and see what's going on. I'll let you know, Kellin," Beau says, grabbing his coat.

"No! I should be the one going!" he says, looking up at Beau, but it's too late, because Beau is already out the door.

"You can't go!" Vic says, getting down onto his knees too and looking into his friend's eyes. "Sober up. Sleep it off, and then you can go in. I won't let you lose your job, Kellin. Beau will let you know what's going on - you know that."

Kellin tries to stay awake once he arrives home, but the two beers and six shots of tequila aren't doing him any favors, and he falls asleep on the couch while he waits for the coffee that he started to finish.

He wakes up to fifty-three text-messages and nine missed calls, and instantly stands up off of the couch. His hangover hits him like a freight train and he has to stand in place for a minute because holy fuck his head hurts.

Once he regains himself, he starts reading through the messages. From everything that Beau had said, he gathers that Oli had been rushed to the ICU because he had a temperature of over one hundred and three degrees. It turned out that it was only an infection, though, and with careful monitoring, he was going to be fine. The last text message was sent only two minutes ago and it was the only one that had been sent from Oli.

**Oli: Are you okay?**

Oh, the irony.

***

Kellin doesn't have the heart to admit that he was drunk off his ass and that's why he wasn't able to be the one to show up, but in all fairness, he was drunk because he was trying to forget about what was happening to Oli.

He tries to admit it to him several times, he really does, but each time he's about to open his mouth, Oli says something cute or really sweet to him and it causes his heart to fucking break and he backs out. He's glad that Oli doesn't ever come out and ask why he wasn't there, but for some reason it sort of makes him feel even worse.

Either way, things go back to normal (or normal as things can be in this situation), and Oli is discharged from the hospital the next afternoon, and told to monitor his condition closely.

***

Kellin texts Oli later that night and asks for his address, and when Oli asks why and what he's got planned, he simply replies with a winky face.

When he knocks on the front door of the house, an older woman answers. She's short, thin, and has long brown hair and there's something about her that makes him instantly trust her.

"You must be Kellin," she says, smiling. She has a lot of lines around her mouth when she does, he notices.

"Yeah, I didn't know Oli had told anyone about me," he says, rocking back onto his heels.

"Told anyone about you?" she repeats, ushering him inside the house. "You're all he talks about. I'm his mother, Barbara."

"Kellin!" Oli exclaims, making his way, slowly, down the stairs. He rushes up to help him, and Oli gratefully accepts the added support.

"How are you feeling?"

"I've seen better days," he replies, smiling afterwards. "But, I'm good, all things considered."

"I'll go make some tea," Barbara says, leaving the two of them alone in the living area of the house. It's clean, aside from the papers that are scattered everywhere. There are lots of pamphlets, printouts, bills, and from what Kellin can tell, they are all concerning Oli and his illness. He tries to overlook the one that's headlined with the title "How to Cope with Losing a Loved One".

"Your mother said I'm all you talk about," Kellin says, as they both sit down side by side on the couch in the far corner of the room.

Oli blushes and looks down at his hands.

"Yea, well... You're on my mind a lot."

Right now isn't exactly the best time for Kellin to lean in to kiss him, but he can't really help himself when he moves forward just enough so that their lips are touching and everything just goes from there. Somehow, he ends up on top of Oli's lap which he really, really shouldn't be because they are in Oli's mother's house for God's sake. Oli's hands find their way and tangle themselves in Kellin's long hair and he's pulling, tugging, yanking, and it hurts so fucking good to Kellin. He totally realizes he's getting too into it, and right when he is starting to bite on Oli's bottom lip, he hears a cough and he instantly gets off of him and puts his hands in his lap.

"I'm so sorry," she laughs, setting a silver tray with a teapot and three cups in front of them, on top of the mountain of papers on the coffee table.

Kellin is surprised that her reaction wasn't greater than that - but he supposes it's because Oli has already told her that their relationship is a bit more than "just friends".

"Mom," Oli groans, sounding exactly like a teenager that was just interrupted in making out with his boyfriend. In this moment, everything seems way too perfect and normal and Kellin almost forgets that Oli has leukemia.

Almost.

As his mother is pouring tea for each of them in the little silver tea cups on the tray, Oli leans forward and puts his arms around his stomach and cries out in pain. Kellin instantly has his arm around his back and is asking what's wrong and telling him it's okay. He never stops asking how it feels and if he can do anything that can immediately help.

He can't.

Turns out it's another infection, and everything is seemingly okay, at least that is what the doctor tells Oli. Kellin eventually catches the doctor (who's name is Josh) alone and asks him if Oli is really going to be okay, and he replies with a long, drawn out sigh before telling him the cold, hard truth.

"I don't know."

***

"I love him," Kellin says as he and Vic are in the middle of lunch at a local pub that Vic only likes because they played that Queen song that he really likes one time and now they have to go every Saturday.

Vic nearly chokes on his cheese sandwich when he says it.

"What?"

"I know it seems a bit soon, but I don't know... There's just something about him. His mom is nice too. She seems to like me..."

"You really should tell him, then, you know," he replies. He looks down at his almost empty plate before answering.

"I don't know... Isn't it a bit soon? I mean, I've only been dating him for three months, though. I have mixed emotions about it," he replies.

"I don't want to be that person, Kellin. I really don't - but what if, you know," Vic starts, but Kellin slams his fist down onto the table in order to stop him, shocking the hell out of Vic. Kellin is never like this.

"Don't," he says, as calmly as he can. He doesn't even want to think about the possibility of Oli losing the battle. It's not a possibility. He's doing great, and he's going to always do great. Kellin has already figured out what he's going to do in order to celebrate once he does win.

"You're a doctor too, Kellin. I'm just saying. Quit trying to ignore it. People die, okay? I'm speaking to you as a friend, and I don't want you to regret not telling him."

Kellin has the sudden urge to punch Vic square in the face, but he stops himself before he can make that mistake.

"Just, don't bring it up again," he says.

He doesn't.

***

Kellin decides to tell Oli the next day. He texts him and asks if he's available at seven that night, and Oli immediately replies with a yes that has at least six exclamation points. He picks him up and takes him to his own apartment, which he spent at least two hours cleaning up so that it was presentable.

"It's really nice!" Oli says with a little too much enthusiasm.

"You're just being sweet. I know it isn't anything," he says, laughing as he kicks aside a pair of shoes that he has forgotten to pick up.

"No, really. I love the framed pictures of flowers."

Kellin smiles.

He makes a nice dinner of some vegan dish recipe that he found online for the both of them, which turns out quite well considering the fact that he doesn't even cook that often, and then they cuddle up together on the couch and watch some movie that has Johnny Depp in it. He leans his head on Oli's chest and listens to his heartbeat and actually starts to cry because he remembers what Vic said.

And he knows damn well Vic was right.

"Oli?" he asks, sitting up and looking at him.

"I'm awake," he says, obviously in a daze. "What's happening?"

"No, nothing's happening... I was just thinking and I realized that there's something I need to tell you."

"What?"

"I love you."

His words hang in the air between them, untouched for a moment before he replies.

"I love you, too."

They finish watching the movie (which actually turns out to be really good), and then Oli grabs the remote and turns off the television. Kellin raises his head up off of Oli's chest and gazes up at him.

"What is it?" Kellin asks. Please, don't be anything wrong with him.

"Come 'ere," he purrs, pulling him onto his lap to where they are facing each other. It's more like he guides him, but Kellin moves like it's more of a pull. Oli puts quick kisses all along the side of his neck and Kellin closes his eyes and almost moans at just the feeling of that because everything that Oli does sends his body and brain into overdrive. Oli pushes his hips up into Kellin's and he reacts by kissing his lips because he needs some kind of skin to skin contact or else he might go insane.

They end up having a lot more skin to skin contact than just kisses on the lips.

***

"I took your advice," Kellin says to Vic. They're sitting in the hospital cafeteria during their lunch break, and Beau and Elliott are nowhere to be seen but Kellin assumes their in one of the hallway closets making out. Or at least, it's what he likes to assume that they're doing. Vic looks up from the magazine that he's reading with a confused look on his face.

"My advice?" he echoes.

"I told Oli that I loved him," he clarifies. His eyes widen in astonishment.

"Well? How did he react? Did he say it back? Did-"

"Yeah. Yeah, he said it back," he replies with a dreamy look on his face. The night had been special to say the least.

"That's great! I'm glad everything is working out for you two. How's the cancer?"

Leave it to Vic to bring that up.

"I don't know for sure. Oli claims he feels fine, and Dr. Franceschi says he's doing well, but no one can be sure."

"Yea."

"Hey, Kels," Beau says as he sits down beside him with a tray full of food. "How's your day going?"

"It's going well... Where's Elliott?"

"He's coming," he grins, looking down at his food in a feeble attempt to hide his blush.

Kellin cringes at the thought.

"Ew," Vic says, pushing his food away. "If I ever catch you two doing it in my office, you're dead."

Beau is silent when Vic says it.

"Beau? Beau. Beau, tell me you haven't had sex with Elliott in my office."

"What's going on?" Elliott asks as he sits down beside Beau.

"Have you two had sex in my office?"

Elliott turns an unflattering shade of red and looks over at Beau.

"Um... No?"

"Oh my God," Vic shouts, standing up from the table. "I'm going to have to use like, ten cans of Lysol in there now! If you will excuse me, Kellin."

"That wasn't nice," Kellin says to the two of them after Vic storms off. Beau laughs.

"Please. We haven't done it in there," Beau says. "Only trying to mess with him."

"But, I thought we did?" Elliott says, looking over at him.

"Did we, really?"

Elliott leans over and whispers something in Beau's ear that Kellin is five thousand percent sure he doesn't want to hear.

"Oh, yeah! That's right! I still can't believe you-"

"Beau!"

"Right. Sorry. Well, I guess we did do it in there. Oops."

"Do me a favor," Kellin says, seriously. "Don't ever do it in mine."

"Never have, never will."

***

"I'm not doing well," Oli says as soon as Kellin enters his room. He's been in the hospital for longer than usual after a chemo treatment and he looks so, so ill. His skin is paler than ever before, his hair is extremely thinned out, and he looks tired.

"What's wrong? The last time I saw you-" he starts, but Oli cuts him off before he can recount the lie that he told.

"Mum has had to help me do almost everything, you know that. I can barely walk now, I'm just so tired. The doctor says it's a sign that my body is losing the battle-"

"You're not losing the battle!" he exclaims, louder than he means to, but he just can't stand hearing that. He can't believe it and he won't.

He refuses.

"Yes, I am. I told Franceschi not to tell you," Oli says weakly before coughing. "Doctor-patient confidentiality."

"No..."

"I've known it for a while. Mum has known too."

"Oli, you can't be. You just can't!" he says, walking over to the edge of the bed and grabbing his hand.

It's so, so cold.

"It's okay. I've come to terms with it already," he says calmly, as if death doesn't scare him. As if he's accepting it with open arms. Why would he accept it with open arms? He's got to put up a fight. He has to.

"No. No! Don't let it win. Don't come to terms with it. You can always beat this. You're the stronger one, babe. I know you are. I just know it-"

"I'm in a lot of pain, Kellin."

"Cancer hurts, Oli! But you're going to beat this. I already know it. You're strong – stronger than anyone I know-”

“Would you stop trying to pretend like this isn't happening?” he screams, visibly wincing in pain as he sits up straighter in bed. “I wanted to talk to you about my funeral arrangements-”

“IT'S LIKE YOUR'RE NOT EVEN TRYING!” Kellin screams, “NO, I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT – I WANT YOU TO TRY TO GET THE FUCK BETTER INSTEAD OF WAVING YOUR WHITE FLAG ALREADY, DAMMIT!”

He turns his back and leaves the room, slamming the door shut as hard as he possibly can before making his way outside the building, straight to the place where the doctors take their smoke breaks.

Vic is standing there already, but he's not alone – he has Alex pushed up against the brick wall and they're feverishly making out. Kellin is not in the mood to see this – so he tries to subtly walk away without being caught-

“Kellin!” Vic exclaims, leaving Alex breathless and flushed red and walking over towards him. “It's not what you think.”

“Oh, Jesus, Vic, you don't have to lie to me. Fuck,” he mumbles, quickening his pace as to get away from them as fast as possible.

“Wait, is something wrong? What's going on?” Vic asks, trailing him and easily catching up.

So much for trying to avoid him.

“Look,” he snaps, stopping dead in his tracks and spinning around to face him. “Oli isn't trying to fight this. I mean – at all. He's just – giving up. And I'm pissed off about it. I want him to at least try to live, you know? But god damn, he won't. IT'S NOT RIGHT,” he exclaims, burying his face in his hands. “I just want him to get better,” he cries.

“Look, hey, it's okay,” Vic consoles, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “It's all going to be fine, maybe he's just come to terms with things faster than you have-”

“I slammed the door on him,” he sobs, feeling like an idiot crying like this – being held by Vic – when Oli's the one dying.

Oli is _dying_.

“FUCK!” he screams out of nowhere, crying even harder. “I'm such an idiot. I can't believe I acted like that towards him-”

“You can apologize, you know,” Alex interrupts, walking up and seemingly recovered from his embarrassment (his hair is still messed up, though).

“I will – I am,” he says, making up his mind then and there that he can't wait to tell Oli anything. For all he knows, that could've been the very last time he gets to see him. He runs a hand through his hair and decides to make a quick run to the bathrooms to straighten himself up a bit – as he knows his face is probably messed up from the crying. On his way there, however, he runs into the very last person on Earth that he'd want to see right now.

“Ah, Quinn. I've been meaning to speak to you – if you would – come with me to my office,” Dr. Stoff says, smirking slightly. It is never a good sign when he's smirking – let alone telling you to come into his office. Kellin briefly considers telling him no and to go fuck himself, but he'd rather not start more drama than he already has in his life right now.

He follows wordlessly, praying to God that whatever he's is wanting to talk about doesn't last long because he needs to get back to Oli. 

“I'm going to cut right to the chase, Kellin,” he starts as soon as the door is closed. His tone is stone cold now, demeanor menacing. Kellin's knees get weak at the sight – he can tell this is going to be bad... “I've had multiple complaints coming in concerning your behavior.”

“What? What do you mean-”

“I mean,” he says as he sits himself down behind the large mahogany desk, “that patients aren't pleased with the attitude you've been giving them.”

“Attitude? What attitude? I haven't-”

“For instance,” he continues, as if Kellin wasn't even speaking, “They say you're short. Very snappy – and impersonal. And also – Mr. Gray had extremely elevated levels of iron in his blood yet you didn't report that. I've already assigned him to Dr. Bokan instead, and he's reported a much better experience with him – as he's actually being treated now.”

“I'm sorry, Sir, I'll straighten up my performance-”

“This isn't a warning, Kellin. This is me telling you that your time is over here,” he explains, glaring across the room. “You've had several chances to straighten up your act, but yet you continue to get worse. I can't let this hospital be brought down by ignorant, lazy doctors such as yourself.”

“Dr. Stoff, I don't usually resort to pleading, but in this case I think it's necessary. I've been under a lot of stress lately-”

“What, because of Sykes? Because he's dying? Hasn't anyone ever told you not to fall for patients? Surely you heard this in college at some point. You know why you shouldn't? Because they either end up dead or suing you. Yours just happened to die this time-”

“HE'S NOT DEAD!” he screams, shaking his head and immediately regretting the face he had done so. “I'm sorry, Sir, I'm – I'm having a hard time. But I need this job. I really do and you know that – so I'm begging you to give me one last shot. I can do it this time, I'll put all my effort into it, I promise.”

He looks as if he's considering it, crossing his arms and looking up at the ceiling. 

“In my second year as a doctor in training I fell in love with this girl – her name was Jackie Marcė. She was beautiful – French girl – long hair, a smile brighter than the sun. I swear, when she walked in the room you couldn't help but stare. She was my patient. She died ten months after we started dating.”

A silent air hangs between them.

“I nearly lost it after that. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep – it was rough. My job was severely compromised. But one morning I woke up and realized that I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't beat myself up because she died. It was my fault for letting myself fall for her in the first place, and not my fault for her death. I knew she would've always wanted what was best for me – and that was to move on with life and to hold my head up, yet cherish her memory all the same. I swore from that moment on I would never have a relationship with a patient again.”

“I'm – I didn't know that, Sir.”

“Yes, well, it's not something I brag about. Because of my experience, I understand that you have to learn this as well. And that also – the coming days are going to be hard. For this reason, I will give you another chance, but I ask that this time you don't make me look like a fool for doing so.”

“I won't, Sir.”

***

He walks into Oli's room to find that him asleep, but Dr. Franceschi is standing across the room, typing on the computer.

“Hey,” Kellin says, quietly.

“You don't have to be very quiet. He's a very sound sleeper,” Franceschi replies, standing up. “He's been out for a while now, probably will be for the rest of the evening. He asked for something to help him sleep.”

“Oh,” he responds, chest burning from guilt. “So, he told me you said that he's – he's coming to the end.”

“Well, yes. The cancer isn't responding to any of the ways we've tried to stop it – it seems to just be overtaking his body at such a rapid pace that we can't even keep up. It would've helped if we had caught it sooner – but you know that's usually how these cases go.”

“How long?”

Josh sighs, rubbing the back of his neck and looking over at Oli, whom has just snored slightly and rolled over onto his side.

“Four, maybe five months at best. Six if some miracle happens, but I doubt it.”

“No chance of full recovery?”

“None at all.”

***

“Would you please stop staring at me eat my lunch?” Elliott asks Beau, shooting him a sideways glare. Beau smirks and shakes his head.

“No.”

“It would be great if you two would stop fighting for two seconds,” Kellin says, poking at his food. He's not in the 'soggy enchilada” mood today, so he's just going to have to skip lunch.

“We're not fighting,” Beau says, looking across the table at Kellin. “This is all foreplay. See – he pretends like I annoy him, and then once we're having sex – he can't stop begging for more of me.”

“BEAU!” Elliott snaps, slamming his plastic fork down on top the table (which was more humorous than anything, but Kellin knows better than to laugh during one of their arguments). “Do you mind not talking about our sex life around my friends?”

“See – he didn't deny it – case closed,” he says, resuming staring at him.

“Please explain to me why I'm still dating him,” he groans, looking at Kellin. “Maybe I have a mental problem or something.”

“I think it's just a serious case of the love bug,” Alex jokes.

“Speaking of love, I've got to go see Oli before lunch break is over. Still need to apologize for yesterday,” he says, standing up and promptly throwing away his uneaten, disgusting, lunch. 

This time when he comes in Oli is fully awake, sitting up and watching the small flat screen television that hangs on the opposite wall.

His face lights up when he sees Kellin walk into the room.

“I thought you were never coming back!” he exclaims happily, turning off the TV afterwards. “I'm so glad you did.”

“It was only for a little while I wasn't around,” he says, feeling slightly guilty.

“Well, it felt like an eternity,” he replies.

“I'm – I'm really sorry about yesterday. For what I had said and how I had acted – I screwed up. I was just really upset.”

“It's okay – you're not the only person that has gotten mad about it.”

If Kellin had felt guilty before, that was nothing compared to how he feels now, knowing that he's not the only one to treat Oli like shit – it's not fair. 

“Oh my God, you don't deserve it,” he says, sitting beside him on the bed, feet still on the ground. “You don't deserve anything like that. I'm so sorry for being an asshole-”

“Well, then prove to me that you're sorry,” he says, voice lower than it had been before and – wow – Kellin knows where this is leading.

“My lunch break is almost over, Oli. And besides – you're ill and I'm not sure if it's a good idea to engage in -”

“It'll be quick and besides, what's the point in living if I can't enjoy the finest things in life, such as making love to you?”

Kellin can't help but give in when he says that.

“What would you like me to do?” he asks, kicking his shoes off and climbing into the bed, crawling on top of Oli. He yanks him down, pulling him into a deep kiss.

The heart rate monitor starts going insane – the constant beeping noise the indicator of how excited Oli really was.

Kellin starts to laugh, and so does Oli. 

“Someone is excited,” Kellin laughs, pushing his hips forward just enough – and the monitor goes insane once again.

“It's been a fuckin' while, okay? And besides,” he says, biting down on Kellin's neck, “you're fuckin' gorgeous, so what do you expect that damn thing to do?”

Clothes are scattered across the room, and eventually Kellin has to unplug the monitor because he doesn't want any doctor being alerted of the abnormal beats and coming in. 

They're laying next to each other now, Oli sitting up slightly and Kellin resting his head on Oli's chest.

“I'm going to miss that,” Oli says, threading his fingers through Kellin's hair and gazing at him. 

He looks up, and has no idea what to say. What do you say to that? It's not like he can prevent the inevitable. He may be a doctor, but he can't cure everything. 

Today, he feels like he can't do anything.

“I've got to get to my shift,” he says, once he realizes that lunch break has been over for more than twenty minutes. If he rushes he might still get to his patient on time, but that's only if he runs there starting now.

“I love you,” Oli tells him as soon as he walks through the door. He stops dead in his tracks, tears begging to release on call, and rushes back to give him a quick kiss before making his way down the hall – praying to God that Dr. Stoff is no where around.

***

Kellin knows his job is already on the line, but he can't help but sneak over to Room 46A at whatever chance he gets. He buys candy bars from the vending machines outside the hospital and sneaks them to Oli, who gratefully accepts them over the plastic food that the hospital seems to think is acceptable to feed anyone.

“Two Snickers and a Kit-Kat,” Kellin says happily, tossing them onto the bed beside him. “Had to fight Alex for the Kit-Kat.”

“THANK JESUS!” Oli exclaims as he tears into the candy. “So, how's work today?”

“Fine – almost done with my shift. Maybe tonight we can watch a movie? I can go rent something if you'd like. Or I think they have Netflix in here – I wonder if I can sign into my account...”

“That sounds great – Bring popcorn. And beer.”

“No beer, Oli.”

“Oh, come on. My liver is not gonna know the difference! It's already been through the toughest of times, what's one more beer going to hurt at this point?”

“Oli, I'm a doctor, I'm not going to let you drink alcohol – especially while you are going through chemo! It's like enabling or something.”

“What if... what if I suck you off? Would you give me some then?”

Kellin's cheeks turn a bright shade of crimson and he looks down at his shoes.

“No – don't try to trick me into doing it -no way.”

“Well, I still want to do it,” he laughs, and – Jesus – Kellin has to try his best to think of something other than Oli's mouth on him. The mere thought of it is sending his brain into overdrive. “Can I convince you to join me in my bed for a minute or two?”

“Oli, you are such a bad influence,” he says, smirking. “You know I need to get back out to work.”

“It won't take long – c'mere and I'll show you,” he purrs, in that attractive British accent of his that Kellin has grown to like so much. He wants so badly to go over, to taste him, to feel him, to feel his tongue – but there's no way he can push Stoff any further if he hopes to keep his job.

“Later, I promise,” he tells him, giving a quick kiss on the lips before running out the room to Elliott in order to find out who his next patient was and in what room.

***

Two months go by and Oli's condition only worsens, just like Dr. Franceschi had said it would. Time seems to fly by, especially the days Kellin is able to devote his time to spending with him. He's not allowed to take him anywhere too far from the hospital (not that he would, but Oli is always begging to go further away than allowed).

It's on one of these bright, sunny days when Kellin is pushing Oli towards the park (he's in a wheelchair now – much too weak to walk this far on his own), when Oli's condition really seems to hit him hard.

“I don't like the way I look,” he says for the thousandth time as Kellin sits down on a park bench. The sounds of kids playing and birds happily chirping surround them, but Oli seems to be under a dark cloud. “I've lost so much hair I look like I'm balding.”

“You look beautiful to me,” Kellin says, reaching over and grabbing his hand – it's ice cold and it only serves as yet another reminder that he's sick.

“Why be with me at this point? Why are you even sticking around? I'm only getting worse, it's only a matter of time before I'm gone – why put up with my shit?”

“Don't talk like that,” he says, looking over at him sadly. “It's not like that, Oli.”

“Why not? Why are you sticking around?”

“Look – I don't want to get mad, but I'm sticking around because I love you and that's it. That's the whole reason why I'm with you. I don't give a shit what you look like or when you think you're going to die, I'm going to be by your side,” he says, trying his best to stay calm and not have a breakdown in the middle of a park. It's hot today, so hot that he wishes he had worn something else other than jeans, but Oli is covered in blankets.

Oli drops it after that – instead attempting to enjoy the day with him.

Each day gets harder, though. his mood is normally depressed – it's very rare Kellin can get him to smile now, the occasional laugh is always music to his ears.

***

“How has your back been since we put you on the medication?” Kellin asks Mrs. Lark, a plump woman in her sixties, that has short gray hair and a nasty temper. She was one of his least favorite patients, and he has a feeling she was one of the ones to complain about his bad 'bedside manner'.

“Still fucking hurts,” she grumbles, glaring up at him. “Can't you give me something that will help? I swear to God it seems like doctors can't do shit these days. Back in my day they would've helped me.”

He is having to bite his tongue hard to prevent himself from being snappy with her, instead busing himself with running through her chart.

“Okay, well let's put you on a different medication, then. That or maybe a higher dosage-”

There's several knocks at the door before it swings open, revealing a very worried looking Beau.

“Kellin! Okay, excuse me and sorry for interrupting, but come with me – Dr. Traynor will take over here,” he says, and Kellin's stomach sinks through the floor. Beau's pale as a ghost – and this can only mean one thing.

Something's wrong with Oli.

He rushes out the room and down the hall along his side.

“He's not responding to anything. They can't wake him up,” he says as they run, and Kellin's body goes numb. His ears are ringing and everything around him seems to fade into nothing. The only thing he's aware of is where he's going, the path ahead a tunnel – focused on the room he knew so well now. Upon entering the only sound he hears is a dead heart rate – on the very monitor they used to laugh at when it went crazy during their time together. The constant tone drowns out everything else for him, Beau is saying something – pulling his arm back as to keep him out of the way of the doctors, but he can't hear him. He doesn't even feel his hand wrapped around his arm, all he knows is that he's being yanked back.

He watches helplessly as they try to revive him, every minute or so trying to escape out of Beau's grasp to go over to him and see – he doesn't believe it. He isn't dead. It's too early. It hasn't been five months yet. 

Beau only grips him harder each time.

Oli dies at four fifty-eight PM on August 3rd . 

 

Kellin swears he can still feel his presence, as he walks down the hospital hallway sometimes he feels like he needs to go to room 46A to visit – to make sure things are fine. To smuggle some candy bars and tell him once again that he won't bring in any beers for him to drink (even though he knows he gets some from his bandmates when they show up to visit).

He does sometimes, visit his room, only to find it's normally empty. That or has someone else in his spot – someone who shouldn't be there because that was Oli's bed and Oli's heart monitor. 

It's been two weeks since it happened and he still hasn't cried. In fact, he hasn't done much of anything but work. He comes in on time and leaves on time – getting home and going to sleep – never feeling the need to eat anymore.

What's the point if Oli's not there for him to talk to? What's the point of anything now that he's not where he should be? What's the point of coming into work if he can't go visit Oli during any break he gets in between patients?

The weekends are the hardest. They're the times he would spend with Oli – taking him wherever he wished to go as long as it was within hospital bounds. He sometimes forgets and starts to get ready to pick him up, showering and doing his hair up nice – putting his good jeans on, only to remember just before walking out the door that Oli isn't in that room anymore.

He's not anywhere but six feet under.

It seems too depressing at first – to visit the grave – he feels as if that makes it final. That's admitting that he's gone, and he's not ready to admit it. They should've had longer together, six months isn't enough – wasn't enough.

He's never sure what his goal is in life now, always wondering if maybe one day he was going to wake up and it was all one big nightmare.

It's two months after Oli dies that Beau decides it's time to intervene.

“You need to see someone,” he tells him over lunch. He looks up from his full tray of food and shakes his head.

“They're just going to tell me I'm crazy,” he replies, emotionlessly.

“You're not crazy, Kellin, you're depressed. Maybe they can give you some medication-”

“I DON'T WANT ANY DAMN MEDICATION!” he screams, causing half the cafeteria to stare, but he doesn't care. “I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO NUMB OUT MY THOUGHTS OR FEELINGS MORE THAN THEY ALREADY ARE!”

“You're sick, though, Kellin,” Vic inputs, putting a hand on his; but Kellin yanks it away.

“I'm fine.”

“You look like a fucking skeleton, we're not going to stand by and let you kill yourself,” he snaps. “Look, yes, he died, but that doesn't mean you have to stop living, okay? It's going to take time to get over him, I get that, but you need to at least try to get on with your own life. He wouldn't have wanted this for you,” Vic says.

“Why don't you hang out with us tonight? It's movie night in the Bokan household, you know,” Beau smiles, nudging Elliott, whom rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, it's fun,” he groans, and Kellin can't help but smile. 

“And we're making popcorn!” Beau exclaims.

“Yup,” Elliott agrees in monotone.

“Alright, I'll go.”

It starts with that – him hanging out with his friends for the first time in forever. He manages to forget all about Oli for a couple hours; remembering only once he arrives home to his empty house with no one to call.

It gets better though, he forces himself to have social interactions, to go out more, to put his all into his work. He surprisingly gets a raise (not that he didn't deserve it, but after all the shit he put Dr. Stoff through, he's shocked). 

It's on a warm day in June that he feels like he's finally ready to say goodbye and move on.

The graveyard is empty except for himself. He holds a bouquet of red chrysanthemums and walks over to Oli's grave, getting on his knees and placing them on top.

“I realize that I haven't visited since the day you – the day you left,” he says, feeling odd at first for talking, but figuring that no one was around to judge his sanity at the moment. “But that's only because I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to say goodbye – or to admit that you were gone in the first place.”

A strong gust of wind blows through his hair and causes a shiver to run down his spine.

“We could've had a lot of good times, Oli,” he whispers, tears brimming at the corners of his eyes despite himself. “We did have a lot – but there could've been a lot more. I guess the timing just wasn't right. And, I guess my only regret in this all is that I didn't know you sooner.”

He halfway starts to expect Oli to answer somehow – for a sign that he's listening, but there is none. There's only the occasional sound of a car passing by or a bird chirping.

“I guess this is goodbye,” he says finally, standing up and brushing the dirt off his knees. “I love you.”

He has several relationships after Oli, but never does he forget him or the brief time they had – and he never regrets the time he had, although short, because little time is better than none at all.


End file.
